i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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