oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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