'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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