I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
