It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
