i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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