Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
