good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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