Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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