i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
