True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
