Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
