I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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