I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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