Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
