chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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