Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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