I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
