Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
