dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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