I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
