i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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