you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
