whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
