god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
