before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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