she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
