can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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