Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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