do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
