that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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