pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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