is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
