I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
