god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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