Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
