thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
