im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize