***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
