All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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