Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
