what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
