Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
