sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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