Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
