Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
