yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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