Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
