Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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