My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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