An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
