But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
