Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I died a long time ago.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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