his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
