every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
