i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
