I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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