i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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