my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize