sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
