I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
