My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize