why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
