He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
