i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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