i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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