I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
