I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
