hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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