I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
