At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
